Shit Towne

I live in a poo town. My town is drowning in poo. I have never seen so much poo in any other town, and I have lived in different parts of different countries, I have travelled, like, in the world and over the seas!

Seriously I have been to many towns in the world and in the UK and this one wins the prize. The only place that comes close is Observatory in Cape Town.

Apart from the person pooing on our steps (see previous post), there is poo on the pavements every day. Nearly every day. I live in quite a smart English town, quite posh even. Covered in poo. Every day I stare rigidly at the ground, doing the poo-dodge shuffle. And in between poo, there is vomit. I am not exaggerating here, this is also a puke town. I live outside a pub, and one of the nightly sound effects that I am subjected to is “spew”.

Sho, too much poo and too much spew for me. The town my parents live in has a chewing gum problem, they have these disgusting cardboard squares stuck to poles at regular intervals, covered in saliva-soaked chewing gum, which is (apparently) better than having the stuff smeared all over the pavement. Give me chewing gum over poo any day.

It’s a lovely town apart from the aforementioned bodily excretions. Flowers and everything. Just bring nosepegs if you come and visit, and wrap your shoes in plastic bags.

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