Free willy

Ah yes. When one has nothing to say, one can always trawl through one’s past for slightly disturbing overshare.

I have a bit of a phobia of train underpasses or subways. This stems from when I lived in Cape Town and used to walk everywhere. The first reason is that I was mugged in a subway by two guys with knives. Back then I didn’t even own a cellphone. They got away with 50 cents. They didn’t seem to want Eminem though. Go figure.
The second reason is this. One time I was walking to the UCT Medical School through Mowbray train station. Hmm, need I say more? I was fearless back then and walked through the subway instead of going over the bridge.
The station is usually quite busy but this time I happened to be alone in the tunnel. Except for this guy. Who had his penis hanging out. It was huge. It was hard to miss, is all I am saying. He saw me and started walking towards me. I ran for my life. Luckily other people came into the subway at that time.
There are two explanations for this chain of events. One, the guy was taking a piss, and got a fright when I popped up, and tried to reassure me that he was not a crazed rapist-pervert-flasher. Two, he was a crazed rapist-pervert-flasher who wanted to use me for his twisted fantasies. I am going with number one. But dude. Ladies use subways too. Keep it in your pants.
Did I mention it was huge?
So that is why when I enter a subway, even today in the UK, my heart pounds, just a little. You never know what you can meat (and two veg) down there, be it Frankenwiener, or a trousersnake.
Free is a relative term. Can Willy not be free, but in a covered-up, I don’t have to actually see your freedom with my own eyes kind of way?


15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Dash
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 14:03:00

    dude, really? he didn’t want eminem? there had to have been a moment there where you said ‘this joke really isn’t good enough’. tell me there was, so i can continue to come back! ;)


  2. sleepyjane
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 14:03:00

    OHMYGOD Po you are hilarious! This post made me laugh like a maniac. More so than other times. Mmm.I should work on that huh?


  3. LadyFi
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 14:05:00

    Oh – that is seriously funny (and scary too)!!I’ve met many a flasher in my day and pointing and laughing at their weiners works every time – better than an icy cold shower…


  4. Tay
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 14:15:00

    Whaa haa, great post!


  5. Being Brazen
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 15:15:00

    must have been damn scary at the time…but so funny reading about it now :)


  6. 6000
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 17:05:00

    Yeah – I’m sorry about that – I was just having a wee though.Didn’t mean to scare anyone. Sorry again…


  7. Tamara
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 17:10:00

    That photo is classic! I will now be scared of subways on your behalf.


  8. Louisa
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 17:22:00

    That’s a bit disturbing. Shame man you must have gotten quite a fright. I once saw a guy ummmm self-loving on the shoulder of the highway – apparently you also get people with peak hour traffic fetishes? *shrug* I hooted at him and he waved it at me. Idiot.


  9. po
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 21:00:00

    Dash: sorry, that joke was the highlight of my day! Corny is my middle name.sleepyjane: maniacal laughter is always good to scare the workmates.ladyfi: hmm, will try to remember that, but the last thing I felt like was laughing right then.Tay: thanks. BB: I was disturbed because it took me a while to figure out what the hell just happened!


  10. po
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 21:01:00

    6000: hate to be racist, but um, I doubt any white man could be that well endowed :)Tamara: it amused me, but I really have a very basic sense of humour.Louisa: eeuw, good grief. At least you were safe in your car though.


  11. Prixie
    Jan 15, 2009 @ 22:30:00

    cani say i just have a general fear of subways cos they stink?


  12. po
    Jan 16, 2009 @ 04:57:00

    Prixie: yes! they always smell of urine. Why guys, why?


  13. 6000
    Jan 16, 2009 @ 16:17:00

    Because… guys urinate it them?Meh – I’m not called The Boerewors Boy for nothing.


  14. Medio Pomelo
    Jan 16, 2009 @ 20:57:00

    Funny post! :o)yes, subways stink everywhere. In Budapest they are crammed with homeless, prostitutes, beggars and pickpockets. Walking through a subway always reminds me of a bit of a secret agent mission. Walking as fast as I can, looking strictly at the floor, holding on my bag tight… Not nice.


  15. Irish Chicken Soup
    Jan 17, 2009 @ 05:31:00

    That’s how I used to feel walking around in the underground in Miami. I always felt like I was seconds away from ending up on CrimeTV.


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