To bebby or not to bebby

So after my latest pregnancy scare I have been giving the subject much thought.

OK, there was no pregnancy scare, but some naughty Twitter folk managed to scare the crap out of me by merely connecting me with the word “pregnant”. They gave me the willies, but I certainly will not be going near any willies any time soon I can tell you. Ahem. 

All because I happen to have an appetite that is off the charts. But it has always been that way. It is not my fault. The worms need constant nourishment.

The weird thing is, the night before the “scare”, I had been lying in bed thinking about having kids. My reaction to the idea varies from blind panic to what the hell, everyone else manages, surely I can too? Sometimes I even think the little critters are cute and want one of my own.

But that night what I felt was a cold creeping terror. I honestly felt that if I had a kidlet, the chances are it would die. I would not be able to keep it alive. I mean, I have never even managed to keep a houseplant alive, and I am supposedly a Plant Scientist.

I am clumsy and careless. I lose things and drop things. I doubt I am capable of caring for another being. I feel like I have the mentality of a twelve year old. I am selfish and self absorbed. I don’t behave like a responsible adult. And there are mental illnesses lurking in my bloodlines.

Also I have this innate fear that everyone I love is going to die on me. I often think about my loved ones dying, probably in a slightly unhealthy way. I should  address this issue at some point.

Perhaps a hamster would be a safer idea. I have successfully kept two hamsters alive, although one did have to have her foot amputated and had a run-in with a bird of prey… I never said how long  I kept them alive for, please note.

So ja. Everybody else is doing it. The bebby-making thing. Surely it is not that hard?

It is just that sometimes I think that there are certain genetic lines which are not meant to be perpetuated, you know?


21 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. The Spear
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 13:57:00

    Lol! Yeah, kids aren’t easy. I felt alot like you and still can’t believe my son is turning 15 months old. I didn’t like kids really and still don’t, except my own kid. :)


  2. Goblin
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 14:57:00

    Hmm…breeding is something I still refuse to do but, maybe you’re beginning to get broody?You shouldn’t worry about keeping it alive either, I hear you become quite attached to your offspring and things like…keeping it breathing come naturally. If anything, you should at least think about having one to slow the spreading of the idiocy gene ;)


  3. Paula
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 16:09:00

    um… well this seems to be the topic in SA and abroad blog-ville; causing mass hysteria and um… well, highlighting my singleness. The whole baby issue is not completely on my radar. I’d love to be pregnant right now; but like babies are expensive. I am not in a good place financially to be considering a baby… OH THE STRESSES. Plus like someones mental safety is in your hands… um; somehow; I am very hesitant on that regard… oh and accounting the fact that this person will pick up some of my habits. um… um… BUT; the good news is that I’m so not going to think about it; but pass on luck to you should the actual scare actually happen. And also; enjoy your newest hamster :D Have a good one,Me


  4. Tamara
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 18:00:00

    Go for the hamster.But that’s just no-maternal-instinct-me.Babymaking is not hard. It’s baby-raising that’s tough.


  5. 6000
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 18:24:00

    Oh, it’s hellishly hard work. Like you have never known.But the rewards are many.I’m told.


  6. Being Brazen
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 18:27:00

    Im not ready for baby yet either. One day i will be…but not now.Get a hamster and dont worry – it will happens when its suppose to or when you feel right about babies :)


  7. Miss T
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 21:02:00

    start with a hamster and take it from there :)


  8. DT
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 21:09:00

    No need to rush such things Po! These things have a way of working themselves out! I think you have a deep desire for a hamster anyway! ;-)


  9. po
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 22:07:00

    Spear: I never realised you were a dad!Goblin: broody, no. Just…planning ahead. I don’t know it seems sensible to think about these things, no?As to the idiocy gene. Well, I have my own bad genes that is for sure!Paula: hehe well you are a young spring chicken. And trust me I agree with you on all your points. I aint ready yet.But is not procreation the whole point of life in the end? That is why I think about it some times.


  10. po
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 22:10:00

    Tamara: haha I will! I think baby making and baby raising are hard. But for me what is stopping me is that I really believe I will not be able to keep the thing alive. Really.6000: ok show off, you managed to keep 2 alive. How do you do it?Being Brazen: wise words. I want a freaking hamster!Miss T: another one who says the hamster!DT: I have to show this post to the BFG and convince him we are getting a hamster :)


  11. quartercenturycrisis
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 23:21:00

    At least a hamster can’t resent you forever if you make a mistake. Well, if it does it can’t tell you about it! Don’t worry about the plant thing – I managed to kill a cactus once. I still don’t know how…


  12. LadyFi
    Mar 16, 2009 @ 23:44:00

    I never wanted kids until I was quite old… and now I*m one of those grey-haired nanny goats with young kids in two…Still, I’m loving it because I had a life before kids.. now I have none.. nor any sleep.. but don’t let that put you off…I’m sure you would be great if you had a kid – the thought is scarier than the reality.. or is that the other way around?


  13. po
    Mar 17, 2009 @ 04:53:00

    quartercentury crisis: hmm, i killed a few cacti. Easily!Ladyfi: It seems like a sensible way to do things to me. Although the life thing is a bit stagnant at the mo.


  14. Astharis
    Mar 17, 2009 @ 07:09:00

    I think that I would be able to keep a kid alive, but there’s not guarantee that it wouldn’t be emotionally scarred! I think that you’d have to be insane to NOT be terrified at the idea of having children, no matter how much you want them. :p


  15. redsaid
    Mar 17, 2009 @ 17:40:00

    Children scare the living daylights out of me. They ooze smelly things and they make odd, piercing, LOUD noises. Habits some of them (especially on the male side of the species) never seem to outgrow!So yeah, another hamster vote. Although, should the hamster turn into a dogster… well, that would be GREAT!


  16. Kitty Cat
    Mar 17, 2009 @ 18:20:00

    Being newly pregnant and all, I can say that I have felt exactly what you feel, and I still feel that way to some extent. I think it’s normal and healthy to feel a bit scared, because it is such a huge responsibility, but I also believe that when the time is right (and only you will know) then you will make a go of it and it will work out. Maternal instincts kick in and all that stuff.


  17. po
    Mar 17, 2009 @ 18:24:00

    Astharis: so I am not insane? Now I am confused :)Redsaid: I hear you. Hamster tick. Dog, I have never had one. I would like to. But they need so much attention.Kitty cat: you do? Interesting. I wonder if I will ever “feel ready?”


  18. Ordinarylife
    Mar 17, 2009 @ 19:17:00

    I vote hamster, then move onto something a bit bigger and see how it goes. I am still not sure, but don’t think I could cope with any more pets…


  19. po
    Mar 18, 2009 @ 01:18:00

    ordinary life: i have no pets, perhaps this is the problem, a pet will distract me from my bebby fear.


  20. Jeanne
    Mar 19, 2009 @ 22:42:00

    Hamster all the way. People keep asking me if my biological clock is ticking. I tell them I ordered a digital.


  21. po
    Mar 20, 2009 @ 01:29:00

    Jeanne: haha That is brilliant! What a cool come back. Must remember that next time someone says that. It drives me NUTS when people say that.


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