All that glitters is not orange

Yesterday I caught the BFG applying my self tanning body cream to his face.

I encourage him to moisturise after shaving on occasion because otherwise he looks like the Sahara. But he just grabs the first bottle he finds off my dressing table without even looking at what it is. It could be haemerrhoid cream ferfuxaches. Not that I would ever have such a thing on my dressing table.

I do not have hemmorhoyds ok, it was just an example. I don’t even know what heammemememeroids are, or how to spell them.

I informed him that he might want to avoid that cream as he could wake up looking patchy and orange. So he grabbed the next bottle, which happened to be another self tanning body moisturiser, one that I had rejected because it is super orange and streaky and also contains glitter.

Something, some stupid, evil thing, made me stop him.


How could I have averted waking up to a boyfriend looking like a glitter-covered carrot? It would have been hysterical.

Work is reducing me to tears at the moment. Well, not literally because for some reason I have the inability to cry, even when I really really need to. But I am crying inside. Nothing works, not even the most basic things. I kept telling myself that things would get better as they always do, but that was weeks ago, and things keep getting worse. I find myself retreating into a reserved terrified shell of silence and self doubt.

So why the crap did I not let my boyfriend smother himself in glitter and have a good laugh? This could have been the highlight of my entire week.

Sigh. I am clearly too good for this world. One can only hope he makes the same mistake again. There are good odds.

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Goblin
    May 22, 2009 @ 12:46:52

    Yeah, you must love him or something ;)Sorry to hear that work things aren’t getting better. I’m all out of cliches to offer about it getting worse before it gets better and all but I can do the old favourite of everything happening for a reason? Find your happy place…or evil place and let the BFG put self tanner on.


  2. Being Brazen
    May 22, 2009 @ 14:04:37

    Hope you feel better at work soon *hugs*I wish I could see your boyf orange glittery face…so funny :)


  3. Being Brazen
    May 22, 2009 @ 14:05:11

    Ps – his new name can be “disco pumpkin” until he gets his normal colour back…heehhee


  4. Ches
    May 22, 2009 @ 14:17:44

    HA HA HA…I would have let him do it.


  5. po
    May 22, 2009 @ 15:22:56

    Goblin: yeah, it appears I do, despite my better judgement.Work is biting. But I hope you don’t suffer from the unemployment blues because they bite too.BB: shit that is so funny! Disco pumpkin! I have to tell him that one. You have already cheered me up!ches: I know, I should have but stopping him was a knee jerk reaction. If I had just though a bit..


  6. LadyFi
    May 22, 2009 @ 16:31:01

    Hilarious! And next time he does it, remember to take a photo of it too!


  7. Louisa
    May 23, 2009 @ 12:46:43

    Hahahaha! That was very selfless of you Po. If it happens again you better take photos. ;-)


  8. po
    May 24, 2009 @ 03:39:19

    okey dokey will take photos. Hmm, maybe I should put the stuff in a new bottle so he won’t recognise it? Cunning :)


  9. Dash
    May 24, 2009 @ 12:06:24

    i wish my girlfriend would do a crazy thing like that!Just set him up next time! Intentionally leave the rong cream in the right place!


  10. Sass
    May 24, 2009 @ 14:18:16

    oh bummer… re the haemer/hummer, whatchamacallit stuff you didn’t allow your bfg to put on his face. but it’s all your fault. next time, practice restraint! and post pix! (sorry work’s a pain in the place the haemer/hummer, whatchamacallit stuff is good for.)


  11. Tamara
    May 25, 2009 @ 14:36:04

    Hehehehe… ROTFL at Brazen’s disco pumpkin comment.And then again at your glitter-covered carrot description.Sorry to hear things suck so much at work. That’s really kak.


  12. po
    May 25, 2009 @ 16:10:34

    Dash: it is a special talent. Not everyone can achieve such greatness :)Sass: bummer! whahahaTamara: thanks. Thank goodness today is a holiday in the UK. Me and the disco vegetable got to sleep in real late.


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