Facebook foibles

Moving from religion to Facebook (are we not all in a huge game of Farmville after all?).

I know Facebook is lame now. When I first discovered it it seemed like a good idea,  poking people and throwing ninja sheep at people and adding dancing hamsters to your profile. And the bunny game. The bunny game took over the lives of everyone I knew, for at least a week. What a ridiculous game; the result was decided by the stats of the two opponents from the start, but you still had to sit there whacking the button a million times to kill off the ant or whatever it was.

Moving on.

Then I grew up and never used Facebook. Then I quit Twitter. I miss Twitter. I like writing silly status updates to amuse myself and hopefully others. I don’t know why. Blame my repressed Leo attention-seeking genes.

So now I am using Facebook more regularly there are things that STILL happen that could be seen as somewhat annoying:

  • The people, usually random school acquaintances,  who are now running little Facebook PR assault campaigns for their boyfriend’s band or their friend’s business or a nightclub they  run. They keep sending me invites, all the bloody time. For events in South Africa. Now I know being Facebook friends is a farce, and you have probably never actually looked at my profile but I AM NOT IN SOUTH AFRICA! I will not be flying over to attend your gig, your diski night, your whatever. Please leave me alone.
  • I have blocked every kind of update about Mafia wars, Vampire wars, Farmville, and all other annoying applications out there, but still I get random invitations to play these games with people. I thought I had filtered that out but clearly not. I don’t want to play your game! I already played the bunny game. I whacked the button like a freak for months on end.  SAY NO TO FARM ANIMALS.
  • The person who I do not know. A person I do not know friended me years ago. From our mutual friends I deduced we went to the same school in Botswana when I was about 5. But we weren’t in the same class because I have no recollection of this girl. I asked my Dad, who taught at the school and knew every expat there, but he didn’t know her either.

Being Facebook friends with her felt  weird. I don’t know her from Adam. And then one of us unfriended the other, I’m not sure who. It’s possible I was attempting a cleanout (I am so weak, I can’t reject anyone) and unfriended her for the simple reason that I have no idea who she is. Anyway, a few weeks ago she sent me a friend request again. How awkward is that? She must know that we were unfriended (possibly by me) but that does not seem to deter her. She must really want to be my friend, right?

And then she poked me. Who still does that? I will have that poke lurking on my page forever more because I don’t feel comfortable poking someone I don’t know. And then she wished me happy birthday. IT’s just so weird. I would never wish a strange person happy birthday on Facebook.  She seems lovely and her kids are adorable but WHY? WHO?

  • The stalker. I’m sure many people have had one of these, because Stalkerbook lends itself to such activities. Mine is a guy who fancied me back at varsity.  Maybe he was in love with me. I don’t know the extent of his feelings, but clearly he was mental, going by his taste in girls.

He was(is!) a friend of a friend. I barely knew him. I was with the BFG. He knew the BFG. That year my brother died and I was a mess. I thought I was coping but then the BFG got a job in Antarctica for 15 months and he went away and I realised I wasn’t coping at all, I was merely using BFG as a crutch (how awful is that? Thank goodness he got away for a while).

So it appears this “friend”  thought that the BFG going away meant I was now available. I never once considered breaking up with the BFG. I was crazy about him. I made that clear. But still this guy made his moves.

When he realised I wasn’t biting, he got nasty. Really nasty. He hurt me in ways that only he can. Everything that came out of his mouth was a poison dart. It was really not a good time for me to be coping with a bastard. But I couldn’t avoid him. I tried ignoring him, but it was impossible. So I tried to be a grown up and move on but then he hurt me again, and again. Every time I met him he would say some awful thing about me to my face. I guess he wanted to crush me because I crushed his self esteem, even though I never once led him on or was even available in the first place. And he didn’t need to crush me. I was already beyond crushed.

Of course we are now Facebook friends, because I am an idiot. I really am. I wanted to show that I am over that crap. He’s a married man now. But on every single link or post or status I put up there, he makes his snide little comments. All of his jokes have barbs in them. I’m sure he doesn’t realise what a bad match we are but everything he says sounds off to me. I wish he would leave me alone. But he won’t stop.

My only option is to unfriend him but I am that pathetic that I don’t want to because if he just left me alone then we could coexist in peace. I am such a coward. I know he is trying, in his bizarre way, to make amends. Or  maybe he is just being a bastard still. But I don’t want to have to think about him. I have been in love with someone before who didn’t love me back. I never saw the need to crush them because of it. He hurt me when I was beyond vulnerable.

Right now my only solution is to stop posting so much and hope he forgets about me. Or else maybe I will grow some balls and actually unfriend him. But I hate that he would force me to do something that feels unnecessary and silly to me.

ARGH! I miss Twitter!


13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Midnitegem
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 09:46:18

    Very cool post. I’m seeing a facebook themed meme forming there.
    First I wanted to say…. Unfriend the idiot negative stalker person. It is just not worth having him around at all. Married or not. OR put him on a limited profile and do not deprive your actual friends from Po interactions on facebook.
    Secondly….perhaps we should actually Meetup for some climbing or other social stuff so we are less ‘strangers’ on facebook. Hahaha. I’m never sure what category us bloggie people that connect on facebook fall into.


  2. Po
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 10:28:34

    Midnite gem: I spend more time interacting with bloggie people than most of my Facebook real life ‘friends’ so I am usually more interested in what they have to say than what random people I once knew years ago have to say. Not that they say much. Most people don’t seem to use Facebook. Just the people who like online stuff, who are usually bloggers anyway!
    As to stalker, yeah I am planning to look through and block come things. But what a pain. Why can’t he just be normal?!


  3. Po
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 10:31:04

    P.S. I would love to go climbing with you. But we are the worst organisers ever! The BFG won’t commit to anything until thursday or fri because he likes to know the weather in detail. Then the friends that he invites often don’t get back to him til Friday evening, sometimes they even change their plans in the morning! When I agree to go with them, which is not that often at the moment because I have an elbow injury, it drives me mad that he wants to wake up early on the saturday so he can check the weather and decide where to go. Commitment is not a word that exists with these people. Do you have these issues too?


  4. Paula
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 17:44:29

    pffft yeah me and facebook are only friends for the games. I am working towards having a baby on there. It’s insane. So I would super ultra annoying on that front.
    as a rule I only add people I have shook hands with. Although that has gone wonky. now I don’t add people I don’t like and delete people I can’t handle. I am very stitchy on Facebook because they can’t see me do it or all the comments I have about them… so delete.
    You shouldn’t feel pressured to do something that you do not want to do. I think if you want twitter, go for it… but if you don’t wanna then don’t.


  5. Po
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 20:35:21

    Paula: hang on a minute, you are working towards having a baby on facebook? Me no understand? That sounds just a little bit scary if you ask me!!!! Please tell me that is some kind of game?
    I have fantasised about being your Facebook friend… butwe have not shaken hands and I won’t deliver your facebook baby so maybe it isn’t meant to be?


  6. Anna
    Sep 08, 2010 @ 10:43:43

    Two words:

    Defriend him.


  7. Helen
    Sep 08, 2010 @ 11:42:06

    Facebook is a funny thing. I ahte it, and yet can’t bring myself to delete my account…

    I have never smacked a bunny, or played farmville, myaquariam, myzoo, mafia wars or anything like that. I am a speedy blocker!

    I do kind of miss throwing sheep though!

    Oh, and unfriend the stalker. If you’re worried about offending him then make a list of people who can only see certain things on your profile and add him to that. It saves a lot of drama!


  8. Dora
    Sep 08, 2010 @ 17:59:48

    I usually can’t bring myself to delete people I don’t like, or add people I don’t really know, so I just leave them in limbo.

    For those I don’t delete, I just put them in limited profile so the most they can see of me is prob just my photo and basic info. And for those I can’t bear to add, I just leave them in my Requests box. I think I have about 11 people lined up there at the mo! I think that seems to be a working compromise at the moment…

    And there’s one category of person you didn’t mention, but I can’t think of a clever name for her….

    The person who comments on every single thing you say, and every photo you put up, usually within minutes of said comment/photo being published. So much so that I’ve stopped saying anything much on there because I can’t bare to see her words all the time!

    What’s that person called?! Arrghh….


  9. Helen
    Sep 08, 2010 @ 18:15:15

    I believe they’re called ‘facebook rash’ or something like that? could be wrong…


  10. Po
    Sep 08, 2010 @ 22:23:14

    Anna: I have reasons not to. Couldn’t really explain them, but I am biding my time…

    Helen: he is already on a reduced priveleges list, hmmm, good idea though I should think about what to block, it all seeems a bit of an effort though, I mean, it’s just frikken Facebook!

    Dora: well Helen answered your question, haha never hear of a Facebook rash. I think my stalker is actually a Facebook rash cos he does what you describe. Now that you mention it I can be a bit enthusiastic with the liking and the commenting… must monitor my descent into rashness!


  11. Champagne Heathen
    Sep 09, 2010 @ 01:11:18

    After your post & some reprimanding by sibling about why am I “friends” with people I do my best to avoid, I deleted 33 people yesterday! Except… not one of them were the 5 people I wanted to delete. 3 of those 5 are “facebook rashes”, and when one of them made some snide comment on my sarcastic status last night, I lost the plot & right after this, I am “purging” without remorse. I deleted 2 of his comments on my status and he STILL made a 3rd! I had hidden them, ignored their comments, deleted their comments. They still persist!!! WHY!!! What is wrong with these people!

    Based on what you had written, and because I also think you should delete the guy that is destroying your soul every time he makes himself known, I deleted those “friends” who only bring back bad memories when I see their updates etc, those “friends” who I have deleted & re-requested, who I don’t know if they are married or even live on another continent & they wouldn’t know the same about me, and especially those who I avoid when I am back in SA & see in the same public space.

    Po, I would want someone to delete me if I was causing them pain every time I commented. So there is 1 reason to delete this guy. But also, you are self-inflicting pain on your soul by keeping him, cause I know that “stab” & those memories of someone hurting you but you want to be the bigger person. It is so refreshing to purge. AND! Facebook is trending away from quantity, to quality. Quality is the new quantity. I see how many friends are “culling” and dropping in “friends numbers”, so then, you’re just following the latest trend with a good cull!

    Right, I’m off to ruthlessly delete!


  12. Po
    Sep 09, 2010 @ 21:17:12

    Champs: wow, your rashes sound way worse than mine! Funny, now that I have posted about it, mine has not been near me on Facebook. Hopefully this will continue.
    I don’t get why they behave that way though. Maybe social media brings out this passive terrorist in some people. Weird.
    I like the quality is the new quantity! But honestly most of my friends don’t use facebook at all, which is annoying and makes it boring. Maybe I drive them all mad with my frequent updates!


  13. Lady Fi
    Sep 09, 2010 @ 21:27:19

    Just hide all those annoying people if you don’t want to unfriend them – that’s what I do.


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