The big winter whinge.

I am feeling the need to moan and whine a bit. Can I? Do you mind? Thanks!

It’s so haaaaaaard being back in England. And no, my  a button is not jammed. It’s just extra hard you know? I always struggle so much at this time of year.

Everything around me is hard.Getting out of bed is hard, finding the motivation to leave the house is hard, trying to force myself to do exercise is hard, trying to find any kind of enthusiasm for life at all is hard. Anything other than eating and sleeping is hard. I walk around like a zombie, barely engaging with the world around me, and with no desire to try.

After we got back from Brazil I felt so good for about two days. Then I felt sleepy but still optimistic. Now the optimism is gone and I’m back to fighting the daily wars against the million and one walls I seem to construct for myself each winter.

I could go to the gym, or because it is cold and rainy and I’m tired and it’s winter and I have to take a long train trip home, poor little me, I could go home rather.

You see, I can make endless excuses for myself when it’s this hard. When it’s sunny and I feel healthy and happy suddenly the walls all fall away and things become effortless again.

Last week my boss made a comment about last year’s summer being a “good summer”. I have to admit I shrieked.

“What? Good?”

He made me want to cry. It wasn’t terrible, that’s true, but if that is the standard for good, well, then I just don’t know.

I’m just one of those people who needs things to be easy, I’m not one for “aint no mountain high enough” kind of theme songs. “Aint no winter cold enough” just doesn’t apply to me.

I’m trying all sorts of small coping mechanisms like going downstairs to our plant growth rooms at regular intervals. The light down there enables our little plants to grow healthily so I figure it can do me some good too, no?

When the days are sunny I go outside now and drink my coffee alone in the cold. I glare at the sun, hoping that if my eyes percieve x amount of  sunlight, they won’t find it so hard to get up each morning.

I have been hiding from exercise since I got back because “it’s so haaaaaaaaard” but I know that if I do some exercise and get some endorphins going then things will be much better for me. I just need to find a way to start. Somehow.

But it’s so damn hard.

There are some good things about this year though. For one I missed January, which is always the hardest month of the year, both in terms of surviving winter and in terms of work. Last year in January I though I was going to have to quit or get fired, things were going that badly. This year work is smooth and effortless, so far.

One month less of winter. Maybe I’m gonna make it.

There, I whinged and I moaned and I was feeble and pathetic. If you need a world to be conquered or a dragon to be slain, don’t bother coming near me in winter time.

I promise to shut up about this now. I’m just going to go over to Tamara’s blog to stare at my dassie present. I remember that thinking about dassies helped me through winter last year.

Never doubt the power of the dassie.

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Damaria Senne
    Feb 07, 2011 @ 08:20:10

    Maybe you were meant to hibernate in winter, not try to work:-)

    Reply

  2. Kirsty
    Feb 07, 2011 @ 08:52:42

    OHHHH I know how you feel. I’ve been back from south africa almost a month, and I have photos on my pinboard from the Kalahari of me looking sunny and glowing just so I know that one day I WILL LOOK THAT GOOD AGAIN! Meanwhile, drag my pasty ass out of bed… to work!

    Reply

  3. tiah
    Feb 07, 2011 @ 10:09:20

    I disagree, February is the hardest month – luckily it is short. March is coming, hang in there. Walk. Walk lots, even if it is drizzly. Getting outside helps so much. And start planning something to look forward to – a hot balloon ride, taking the ferry to France. Have you gone on the Hover Craft? That thing made me smile in December. And one of those dawn alarm clocks that gradually make the room lighter. Wish we had done that when we were there. Poor Husband felt a mole during winter – to work in the dark, to home in the dark.

    Reply

  4. sleepyjane
    Feb 07, 2011 @ 10:36:56

    Ugh. I totally get that. But for me, I personally prefer winter. PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! ;) I know our winters here in SA aren’t so bad, so that’s mostly the reason I guess. Summer is just so exhausting and sweaty.

    Reply

  5. Tamara
    Feb 07, 2011 @ 12:18:18

    Shame, Po. I couldn’t do it. I wish I could send you some SA sunshine in a bottle. But I’m glad the dassie helped. If I meet him again, I shall tell him so.

    Reply

  6. Shannon
    Feb 07, 2011 @ 23:10:00

    I’m glad you’re back, Po, I missed you in the blogworld.

    I am sympathetic!–although I am reveling in South African summer now, it is only because I endured three years of perpetual winter (September-May in Boston, then just as Boston was getting bearable I’d come to Cape Town so it could rain on me for June-August). I used to hate writing my finals in January–cold, snow and slush everywhere, dark by 4:30 in the afternoon, and going outside was a huge f’ing ordeal involving snow boots, parkas, scarves, hats and gloves, which I always managed to lose somewhere–I am the Johnny Appleseed of winter gloves. Summoning the energy to research and write a 25-page paper was a challenge considering that walking 100 meters across the road to get coffee was enough to make me feel I deserved a 3-hour nap. I feel your pain, in sum.

    Reply

  7. mylifescape
    Feb 08, 2011 @ 09:00:14

    I think Winter is there for chillaxing to the max – don’t be too hard on yourself… take some time out, with tons of hot choc, good books and late mornings ;)

    Reply

  8. Dora
    Feb 08, 2011 @ 15:17:00

    “Ain’t no winter cold enough.” HAHA! That made me laugh out loud!

    Now the damned tune with those lyrics is stuck in my head…..

    Reply

  9. Spear The Almighty
    Feb 09, 2011 @ 09:45:10

    “…trying to find any kind of enthusiasm for life at all is hard.” I feel you.

    I love life but this place is killing my inner child. The wife and I both want to get away now. Seriously.

    Good luck!

    Reply

  10. Helen
    Feb 09, 2011 @ 10:20:33

    Try soup. It’s almost (but never quite) as powerful as dassies!

    Reply

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