Brain melt

I know it is nearly time for a major transition in life when…

I feel like I am gonna die!

Ok, not really, although it does feel like I am drowning.

I wanted to blog about introversion, because there is so much about that subject that interests me. I know it doesn’t necessarily interest the rest of the world – what is that ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ noise I hear?
But I want to blog about it because I want to write about subjects that interest me, because doing that makes me feel good and fulfilled and that improves my self-esteem.
My self-esteem is so low right now, I am not even really attempting to drag it out of the gutter.
I remember last year when I was scheming to move back to South Africa. I had no illusions about the job market for Scientists like me. I knew then that my chances were bad. I don’t have a Masters and in SA that is like gold. But it didn’t bother me then. I just figured I have a lot of experience, and I will network and I will join all the social media sites and I will search like crazy and I will definitely find something.
Now that I have actually decided that I should start looking (please note I have not even started) all of a sudden I am all WOE IS ME, I SUCK! I will never find a job because I cannot actually do anything. I have no real skills. How can I make a list of my skills when I truly don’t have any? It is humiliating to make a list of my skills because it is so paltry that I will be applying for jobs for years. Really, what have I done with myself all this time?
Basically I am feeling awful right now, even though I have not even started looking for a job. All of a sudden networking seems too scary and I just want to hide away. I can’t remember having such low confidence when hunting for work, ever. It is irrational, and I can only guess that it has to do with the fact that I am leaving a job and a country and family that are familiar and comforting and starting everything anew, and that is just hammering my nervous system into a semi-meltdown.
Meltdown be gone.
Until meltdown is gone, I doubt this blog will be of any good to anyone, including me!

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