Room with a view – of hell.

Somebody is coming to view our flat today, seeing as we are leaving.

Excuse me while this concept sends me into fits of  hysterical laughter.

Why would our estate agent want anyone to SEE this place? Once they have seen it, they are going to be running a mile.

In the 5 or so years (I have lost count) that we have been here, interior maintenance has been a not-happening issue. They come and fix our pipes yes, but when upstairs had a flood last year and the wall paper fell from our ceiling, they came to have a look, made a note, promised to fix it and never did.

Let us not mention the state of the walls, the paint, in every room of this place, because there is not much left of it. In comes off in chunks all over the place. It is not a pretty sight. There is raw wall in patches. I can’t quite understand how it was painted in the first place, it could be that they painted over wallpaper and now the wallpaper is falling off. Basically your average human being with no training at all would not be physically capable of doing such a bad job.

Our neighbour said she repaints herself. We did not do this. I just didn’t want to paint over the catastrophe that is already on our walls and add to the catastrophe. So yup, it is crumbling down around us and looking exquisite. The door has chunks of actual wood missing from it which we told them about years ago.

If they really wanted someone to move in here they would be better off redecorating before anyone gets a glimpse of the place, because if it was in such a bad state when we saw it we wouldn’t have come.

As to the neighbours, I cannot count how many blog posts I have written over the years about the insanity that is my neighbourhood.

However, in the last few years, the karaoke pub across the road has closed down and the family of warring Portuguese people who owned it have moved, our drug addict neighbour was arrested for stealing, our drug dealer neighbours were asked to move away, the stairwell that the arsonist set on fire and where the drug addicts used to poo and do their drugs has been shut up, the other stairwell where occasional drugs were done is guarded by a special door.

No one has punched a window for years! And we had four punched windows in my time. Blood all over the walls, the passageways. Screaming in the night. All that stuff has stopped. It has become a quiet, respectable, even decent place to live!

So now my neighbours are terrified that we are leaving. I am not sure if I should be telling the new viewers to run for their lives or to drill them on behalf of my dear neighbours who are lovely:

Do you do drugs?

Do you deal drugs?

Will there be people screaming your name at your window at 4am in a desperate drug-addicted state?

Do you punch glass windows when you are frustrated?

Do you tend to scream a lot?

Are you generally and in any way… insane?

PS they just came and saw the place and I heard the agent saying they were going to completely redecorate everything (and up the rent of course) and he actually apologised to them for the state of the place. Said it must be hard for them to see it that way.

Thanks dude. Geeez. How about us who have lived here all these years? Why wait until we are leaving to make it look decent?

Anyway, can’t complain, it was our choice and we had madly cheap rent, and we have used the money we have saved to travel and do all the things we wanted to do. We are both kind of fond of this dump, in a confusing way.

I may even miss it. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.  That may be stretching things a bit.

But it has been an education, I will give it that.

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