I am struggling right now. I have that drowning feeling. I am just so very sad. I thought that it would go away but I have felt like this for a while . I’m hoping it will disappear in time. It usually does.
This mostly relates to work, one way or another. I am not coping very well at work. There are so many interwoven and interconnected reasons why work is dragging me down that I don’t even know where to begin unravelling them in order to make sense of it all. Never mind trying to explain it on this blog. In fact I have decided to start a new blog for my eyes only, in an attempt to figure it all out. This stuff is not for the eyes of the blogosphere. Not because it is too private, but just because no one else should have to be subjected to such miserable negativity.
What I really need is some space from work in order to think things through. But therein lies part of the problem. All I do right now is work. I get home at 7pm or after and then I find it impossible to distance myself from things when they are going badly. And going badly they are.
But there I am trying to explain things and that is not my intention.
I need to hide away from this blog until I can unravel the confused strands of my misery to at least think of ways to make the situation better. My self confidence and self-belief, always low, are at rock bottom at the moment.
So I am going to go and crawl into my sad little hole for a few days (I hope that is all it takes) until I can be persuaded to take the mickey out of myself again. That always makes me feel better.
If I tried to write anything now it would just be sad and twisted, like me.
Spindrifting South African seamonkey. 
Feb 10, 2009 @ 13:42:00
fell better soon *big hugs*
Feb 10, 2009 @ 13:50:00
remember, you are so much more than your job! you are a beautiful, unique person, with so much to give. Center yourself and remember your essence. Do things that make you smile *hugs*
Feb 10, 2009 @ 13:55:00
Sad to hear you having such a rough time! Thinking of you! XXPs. Posting your Cosmo today :-)
Feb 10, 2009 @ 14:37:00
Damn work!Come back to us soon! And remember -it’s only a job, not life.
Feb 10, 2009 @ 14:41:00
SAD: Seasonal Affective Disorder.Too much grey weather makes you sad, or SAD. Pop onto my flickr – it’ll either cure you or kill you. Take the chance.
Feb 10, 2009 @ 15:08:00
Hang in there! Most of us are going through sh*t at work.
Feb 10, 2009 @ 15:23:00
ah, shame man. i’m sorry for you, sugar. do what you need to do. put the world on hold… it will all be here waiting for you when you’re ready… x
Feb 10, 2009 @ 15:31:00
what work do you do?
Feb 10, 2009 @ 16:28:00
you could of been writing as me! am def feeling the same at the moment. work is shit, confidence is at an all time low, am ill again!! anyways just saying that we know how you feel and your not alone. I’m sure things will work out for both of us.
Feb 10, 2009 @ 16:40:00
Hope you feel better soon and that the blogging break gives you the time and space to work things out. I also tend to hide when the going gets rough, but it’s your blog and if you need to be sad there, you can be.Big hugs!
Feb 10, 2009 @ 16:43:00
Oh, Po, shame, I’m sending you the biggest hug. I’ve been where you are, despondent about work, and it filters into everything. Hugs, dear Po.
Feb 10, 2009 @ 17:11:00
That truly sicks, my friend. I’m sending you big hugs across the continents and hoping that things become less sore and complicated soon.Adjusting to a new job is tough and it sounds like you are really struggling.Wishing you some sunshine, good support and everything taht could posisbly make you feel better.
Feb 10, 2009 @ 22:25:00
Work can really suck you in a spit you out – this week I have also been walking that fine line of misery, with 15 hour days and deadlines so tight I have been in tears. You have to hold on, and realise that things WILL get calmer, and be kind to yourself… in fact, this is one time in your life when you can be selfish and self-centered – you need to whatever it takes to get through the slump!!
Feb 11, 2009 @ 00:06:00
Hey guys, thanks so much, you are the coolest. I feel a bit better already just reading your comments. And just writing this post actually.
Feb 11, 2009 @ 01:05:00
Po ~ I’m so sorry you’re going through these feelings. The ol’ funk can do numbers on a person’s functioning… I’m thinking of you, and hoping for blue skies ahead. You deserve it. ;)Big, big, big hugs…from a non-hugger, so you know that’s special. ;)
Feb 11, 2009 @ 01:58:00
Chin up girl!! It can’t be THAT bad!! If you are half as lovely and funny at work as you are in the blogosphere then surely, people must admire you and want you there!
Feb 11, 2009 @ 14:48:00
Good luck Po. I actually started blogging for the same reasons you are “taking a break.”
Feb 11, 2009 @ 16:37:00
Writing can be an incredible release. I’ve visited some dark places in my life and writing has been the one consistent outlet to release me from these places. I feel like I am able to let go of a lot when I write it down. I tend to internalise, overanalyse and overthink things and once it is on paper or screen I seem to let go quite a bit. It also helps me make sense of what is going on. Sometimes I think: why am I feeling this way and as I write it down, I start to make sense of it all!My therapist taught me that I say “I think” too much and need to learn to say “I feel” – this has also helped me dispel what is really going on.I hope you are able to find some peace through your writing.I’m sorry you are feeling this way and am sending you lots of hugs and empathy.I can identify with your work related issues. I have had this a lot and was quite depressed last year. Mylifescape is so right – you are so much more than your job. This year I made a decision to not take it personally: I work hard and then I walk away. I also throw myself into hobbies and charity work so that I feel like my work isn’t my purpose.Thinking of you xx
Feb 11, 2009 @ 16:41:00
Perhaps you just need to come home.